Wednesday, 29 August 2012

It's been awhile...

In true Cheryl fashion I've started something and given up.  Well, that's a little hasty - I haven't really quit this blog, I've just placed it on hold.  Part of the trouble stems from not knowing what my real vision was in the first place, that and my constant struggle with perfection.  I don't like that I know so little about templates and Blogger and everything that goes along with this whole internet world.  I hate the limitations this template puts on me and it makes me want to throw in the towel - big time. 

I've been this way since I was a little girl.  At the beginning of every school year I would get all new everything.  There could be nothing reused from the previous year, no pencil case, binder, exercise book or pen.  Everything had to be new and ready to be customized.  I would line everything up on the living room floor, decide how I wanted it all organized, write my name and subject on each ledger, fill the binders with loose leaf and arrange my pencil cases.  Once school started I would be more concerned with what style of handwriting I would use for the year and what combination of highlighters meant what - I would even write a key for it at the front of my notebook in some cases.  But then, around October things would get real and the note taking would get faster and messier.  Ugh, I would hate that.  If it was on loose sheets I could rewrite it when I got home and throw away the messy sheet, but if it were in my notebook...  Oh man.  That would drive me crazy.  Quite often I would abandon that notebook and start with a new one.  It would be nothing for me to sit down and rewrite everything of importance in a new book just to keep things consistent. 

Journals were a real problem for me.  Every Christmas I would get a new diary or journal with the intent of writing every single day in it.  Again, handwriting style and pen choice were of utmost importance.  This obsession started from early childhood and I've never outgrown it (you should see me try and pack just the right pens and sketchbook when getting ready for a trip, still to this day).  I would start with the greatest of intentions and go strong for a week or so, then something would happen, I would change my mind about the pen color choice - purple was too immature, or a girl in my class whom I didn't like much wrote in bubble letters so I had to have a better style than that.  I seem to remember going through a phase where naming my journal was a thing.  Getting bored of her name would be the perfect reason to drop the whole journaling experience for that year and wait to get a new book the next Christmas.  I wouldn't dare start a new one in the middle of the year, that would just be weird. 

I was a frequent organizer and decorator as well, even drawing plans of my bedroom, to scale, complete with outlets, windows, closets, etc.  I would cut out the furniture and rearrange it on my room plan and get my dad to help me move things when I'd settled on a new design.  With each remodel I would usually do a purge.  I remember one such time ending in tears.  I had a black garbage back filled with old, half used exercise books, sketchbooks and journals.  Nick knacks I'd outgrown, no matter the sentimental value of them, just anything that didn't fit my persona at that given moment in my 12 year old life.  Well, for whatever reason, my father felt the need to have a peak at the items I was throwing away.  I guess he didn't need much of a reason, considering everything in that bag had been paid for by his hard earned money.  He had a flick through the journals, one in particular I remember having only one page written on.  Then he started...  Ripping out the used pages and throwing the books back on my bed.  'You listen here missy.  That is a perfectly good book and you will use it again.  Don't you ever ask your mother for another diary, you've got enough here to last you a lifetime!'  Tragedy.  Where was I going to put all of these old books with jagged pages ripped out of the front, binding glue visible, no fresh first page?  The funny thing is, I don't remember the final outcome.  Perhaps I didn't get a new diary that year, but I doubt it.  And it didn't change my habits any - I still start sketchbooks, never finish them and buy a new one when I decide I want to try a new format. 

And that's just how I feel about this blog.  It isn't perfect.  The layout is not quite right, I don't know where to host photos, haven't figured out how to upload videos properly, need to find a way to add some gadgets that link to Pinterest, twitter etc... So overwhelming.

Well, after a conversation with my friend and fellow Fort McMurray blogger Two Loonies and a Penny yesterday, and a recent comment from a friend, I've decided to give it another shot.  Things have changed considerably in the past few months of silence.  I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and very focused on readying our lives for the changes we're about to face.  I was very busy work this spring, and really wouldn't have had time to blog if I'd wanted to.  I'm not sure where the focus of this will go, it may turn into a Mommy Blog, who knows.  I guess I should just take it one step at a time and try to post every now and again. 

One thing I do know, this much writing deserves a picture or two!  This would have been me around 12, I believe, my sister would be about 8.  Oh my goodness...